In The Name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.
Assalamualaikum everyone! How's life? :) Sorry for not updating myself with you guys so much. Been too busy to cooperate with other commitments lately. And at last Alhamdulillah, after a month, hello blog! :)
So.. About today's topic. Friends In Quantity, or Friends In Quality? I chose to write about this because recently I've been trough quite a few circumstances where I realize about how important it is to have a good quality friend. At least one person.
Okay. It starts since I was in my first semester here. As I mentioned things here are different. I left my supportive friends and family back there in semenanjung. I had to. Jihaad. And start a new life chapter in Bintulu. I couldn't deny that I fell into my own weakness, plus, facing them alone. Rasa macam tak boleh bangun.
"My weakness? They exist when my family and friends weren't there with me through my rough times. It feels like I've lost my brace."
I was a loner back then for the whole semester. Rarely walking in pairs, nor partners. Senang gerak seorang diri, because you don't have to wait for someone else until we drag our own time. Buang masa sangat. This is my opinion lah don't judge k.
And for this second semester, it is a different thing. Things get better Alhamdulillah, where I found a bunch of good friends, lillahi taala. All praises to Allah.
A few weeks ago we had a 2 days camp, Kem Solatku Matiku. Alhamdulillah it went excellently smooth and knowledgeable. And I saw several of my friends started to show their interest in Islam. To get to know more about what Islam actually is. Alhamdulillah, such a heartwarming feeling. Syukur sangat.
I went for a short outing with Iylia. (Planned to keep her name anonymous but it'll be much easier to explain with a fixed name I guess lol).
We were sooo stressed out that week so we just spontaneously planned to have a 'short date' in TS. Jalan punya jalan punya jalan, it's already dzuhur. Cari tempat solat. Tak jumpa.
Then we asked this akak, she's a Muslimah and she sells a few muslimah clothing there.
"Assalamualaikum kak. Tumpang tanya. Ada tempat solat tak kat sini?"
"Waalaikumussalam. Sini tak ada tempat solat, dik. Tapi kamu boleh cuba tanya kakak yang kat tingkat bawah ni jual tudung, dia ada bilik solat."
Okay. "Tak ada tempat solat" was a very shocking answer is it? So we did as we were told to. Alhamdulillah selesai solat zohor walaupun terpaksa tebalkan muka minta tumpang solat.
Then jalan punya jalan punya jalan. Asar pula. We were like "Takkan lah nak pergi tumpang lagi kat akak tu."
Hmm yeah. So Iylia told me. "Emm it's okay jat. I still have my wudhu though. And my clothes are already menutup aurat. We just need a place to perform solat. Let's go find a place where there's not many passerby.
And we found this place.
Kedai yang belum siap, with a dusty wide box.
Iylia dust them off with her palms wrapped in plastic.
"Okay. Clean. Boleh solat dah."
I watched her pray from her first takbir to salam. Allah. How big this Jihaad is Ya Rabb. Thank you for granting me a friend that keeps her Solah as her first priority. It really brings me along this journey. In my heart was like,
"I hope you're not nervous performing your Solah here, Iylia. This is quite an exposed place by the way."
And right after she finished, I gave her that warm hug like we've never met for years. Lama. Dan rapat.
On 30th January I had a hockey tournament to cope with since I'm the AJK Program. Although I didn't do much but still I'm an AJK though. We need to be there before the tournament starts until everything is settled.
So unexpectedly, it ends until its almost Isyak about 7:45pm. Lambat gila perghhh.
I don't really mind if I didn't plan for anything that night but malam tu ada program kat Dewan Suarah Bintulu. Ustaz Kazim Elias was there. Sangat rugi kalau tak datang is it? Since we rarely have those kind majlis ilmu here.
So the whole day my mind was really occupied thinking if I could reach there on time, it starts at 8:00pm. But seeing the tournament dragged about an hour late so I was just expecting to only be present instead of being there on time.
While the tournament was going on I met Iylia and Sahira walking around our court, so I rushed to them.
"Ejat pergi tak malam ni?"
"I don't knowwww......................."
"Awww please do."
"Yes I am hoping that I could. Nak pergiiiiiiiii. Susah nak dapat ni T_T"
"I know.."
"Or if you guys could help me?"
"Sure In Shaa Allah. What is it?"
"Iron my tudung and niqab in my room, make them ready so I could just change my clothes after this tournament. Tak mandi pun tak apa. As long as I am there later."
"Alright sure."
So I handed them my keys.
That night.
I rushed home to get myself ready. Siap siap kat bilik Iylia. And she told me,
"Ejat. Your clothes are in the Padini bag. Tadi your roommate packed your things. Your clothes your pencuci muka your berus gigi. Siap ambil jubah zaty yang tak payah iron punya masuk sekali dalam bag. Mira kata takkanlah zaty tak nak salin baju sekali."
And I was like, Allahu. Seriously? Alhamdulillah! You eased my way Ya Rabb. Thank you :')
And on our way to Dewan Suarah, Iylia gave me her roti sosej.
"Ejat. Here. Belum makan kan? Eat this. It's your rezeki."
Allahu. Yes I haven't took my dinner yet. Alhamdulillah. rezeki lagi.
Thank you Allah for this whole day of ease. So we reached there like 8:45pm, tak apalah as long as we were there kan?
So to make this short, it is important to have good friends around you. They'll pass their positive vibes to you. Alhamdulillah for everything Ya Rabb.
In The Name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Most Merciful,
A story about something immensely close to my heart.
So a few weeks ago are unlikely tough for me. Actually wearing the niqab in Bintulu was quite new to ezatsabrin. I wore this like almost 3 years now Alhamdulillah, (please don't expect it's something great because time measures never guarantee you an excellent quality, I am always in progress.). But after I came here in Bintulu I took it off, temporarily, for some reasons. Just to see how should I fit in the society. It's not a sin though because I am with the Syafi'ee scholars that has 2 opinions about the face whether it should be covered or not.
So for the first semester I was completely bare-faced! And it feels weiiiiirrrddd Ya Allah T_T and insecure too, because you've been covering it for a very long time and suddenly you have to take it off? Honestly guys. I feel naked.
Throughout the whole semester I tried to figure out about how the management party fixed the rules here. I asked my niqabi seniors about it. Until that one fine day I really saw them in front of my eyes in niqab, but they took them off right after they crossed the guards at the main entrance. And I was like, "Ohhh so that's how they do it. Dah nampak dah strategi tu, Boleh try lepasni In Shaa Allah." LOL.
Seeing them being really persistent made me intended to wear it here, fully committed. So for the second semester I brought my niqabs, (I wore it from home too.). The first day I reached here from Semenanjung until I safely arrived in UPMKB, well it was not so bad LOL Alhamdulillah. Passed through the guards, registered at KSR. It wasn't so bad and strict as I expected :)
UNTIL
The past few weeks my friends and I went out for a lil outing. Herh beli barang kat Farley je pun. **lentik tangan. Wore the niqab from UPMKB until we reached Farley. And lately I went to PCM and TS. (Eh tersebut semua tempat hot kat Bintulu maap maap). Allahu. For each step I walk, EACH STEP, people around me gave me that look. You know, THAT look. And start whispering among themselves. The awkward part was they won't take their eyes off me as long as I am still near them. Seriously. Can you imagine that? Being in my shoe. In that situation. Hm. I don't really mind if kids really freaked out when they saw me because its normal though. But the adults.. Hm. Apa lah depa fikir tu.
"Maybe my clothes looks too hot for this weather?"
"Too weird?"
"You've never seen people like me? Too rare?"
"Or deep inside you're actually have that respect towards me?" (Level Husnudzon)
Seriously guys. I felt really alien to them. And sad. It was like, "Ya Allah, ujian sangat ni. Sabar. Sabar. Sabar. Ujian Rasulullah dulu lagi dahsyat. Ni baru sikit. Sikit sangat. Sabar." **heart pumping.
I wish my mom was there. I wish my friends were there. Allah. I only have You right now. Help me Ya Rabb. Give me strength.
"Kalian! Doakan akuuuu!"
So it is true about what Rasulullah SAW said in his hadith. Islam came in such a rare condition. And at the end it will be rare too. Akhir zaman.
I've been keeping this in mind. It helped me a lot :') Alhamdulillah.
So there's been a lot of monolog dalaman lately LOL. #Self Comfort
"Come on ezat. You've been through this. You know what Allah promised. (2: 155), remember? You can do this ezat. Jannah is His. Not them. And fear only for Him. Not them. Rasulullah got those reactions much worst. Stay strong, Lillahita'ala."
**inhale
**exhale
Pray for us, kalian. For Islam. May Allah bless each second of our Jihaad. Ameen.
Assalamualaikum everyone. It's been a while since I updated my last post here. Like 2 weeks ago? Oh My Allah. Lamanya. Berhabuk!
In this post I just wanna share with you guys about my mother, Ibu. I like how soothing and calm it sounds, "Ibu.". And about the vertebral column? Tulang belakang? Well yes! She is my tulang belakang.
Why vertebral column?
Because it supports my entire body. Mentally. Physically. Posture and nerves. Without her we'll lost our main support system. Hah dah masuk bio SPM.
I just realized how supportive she was when I was gonna graduate my high school. Wallahi. Although she suggested something based on my track results during my school years but she gave me this chance to reach my own life goal to be a Vet. Allah. Syukran ya ibu.
She saw how madly in love I am in this type of knowledge, and it was a lil tough for her to lemme go this far, overseas lol we are still crossing the sea is it? :P Alhamdulillah. Before applying this course I sought her blessings, firstly. Because it is important to have your parents blessings before proceeding our own decisions. It is about the barakah we'll get later in our entire life.
And Ibu, we've been really close after Ayah passed away 4 years ago. I respect her for how she tried her very best to stand on her own feet after Ayah's death. Allah. It was hard. Really hard. She took a while to make things fit back in puzzle. And she became a strong woman inside out since then. Alhamdulillah. Thank you Allah for this great mother.
And now, she's still working hard every day. Driving to work every early morning. It took an hour to reach her office, and an hour more back to home. Allah. I hope I could always be there close to you Ibu. But here I am struggling too. I am trying my very best to make you feel bright with my excellence fid dunya wal akhirah. I am trying, Ibu..
27 days more to your birthday is it, Ibu? I'm sorry for my absence from being around you. But do believe, Ibu, that we are always connected in our du'as. He hears us every second :') and thank you for all your patience throughout these years of raising me up. Thank you for your forgiving heart. And thank you for always praying for my best until today.
I promise you with Allah's will, that I will try my very best to make our lives worth fid dunya wal akhirah. I wanna see you in Jannah, living there as happy as He promised. In Shaa Allah.
In The Name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.
As you all know, my dear sahabat. I am not born this way. I was not born in a pious or religious family. My life back then was.. 'dark' enough, if you know what I mean.
My heart was dark from the light. I know there was a little light shining inside me, screaming and calling for help to make it grow.
But I ignored it. I love this Dunya much more.
Wallahi. Syaitaan did beautify things around me. All I can see was everything I thought I needed them to fulfill the emptiness in my heart. But I didn't realize, about how bad it could be later. I enjoyed them so much, until I forgot about my true status of being a Muslim.
Alhamdulillah. On that one fine day, He gave me Hidaya wa Taufeeq, in a such unexpected way.
I know how empty my heart was but I didn't think about getting myself closer towards Him. Although the fact is we ARE getting closer to death, each day. (That is why I am afraid of birthdays and I don't really celebrate them).
My life changed since then, my dear sahabat. Alhamdulillah. He gave me the chance to improve myself in a quite young age. Rasulullah SAW loves a young man or lady who keep their lives in the way of Islam in such age, and stayed istiqamah. In Shaa Allah.
"Oh Rasulullah. I am hoping that you would be happy to see me in akhirah, in a way that you are pleased with the deeds and Sunnah that I have been struggling to practice now in the age where they look Islam as a weird thing. You know the struggle, Ya Rasulullah. Ya Rasulullah. I don't wanna waste my temporary life here anymore. Thank you for your patience and dedication on spreading the Syahada for us, Ya Rasulullah. We promise you, Ya Rasulullah, to always be in this jihaad to spread His words and won't give up. We believe your prayers are always with us. May Allah bless. Ameen."
My dear sahabat. Here I have a few tips for you guys and girls for your Hijrah.
1) Always, always always intent it only for Allah S.W.T..
- Always have THAT mindset before doing things in your daily life. From covering your aurah, Solah, fasting etc only for Him. Not to please man. Actually the quality of our work also depends on how we intended to do it at the first place. So you got it bros and sis, once we have intended to do it for Allah S.W.T., the blessings we'll get during the journey are humongous! Subhanallah! It is also considered as a jihaad :) see? You don't even have to wave a sword!
2) Ignore how people act towards you.
- Wallahi, I've been keeping this tip in mind since the first time I started to change my whole wardrobe. You guys know the fact that when a Muslima is on her Hijrah, it is so obvious to notice her changes is it? From the way she dress, obviously. I had it and it feels a lil creepy though to have those eyes towards me. From that onwards, this is what I believe. Don't be afraid of their mocks and curses. Let them be. Because the Heaven and Hell isn't theirs. It is Allah's :) Let Allah be the only judge. He created you, not man.
3) Let go of things that'll distract your journey.
- Let go of them, slowly if you feel that it would be too harsh for you to let them go completely. Let the past be a history, that'll only give you values. You can have that in mind as something to learn with, but don't make it stop yourself in the middle of the journey. Don't worry, Allah doesn't only look at our achievement, but He looks more on our progress :)
4) Surround yourselves with things that'll help you to stay istiqamah.
- From friends, entertainment, family practice etc, surround yourselves with positive things. That'll make your spirit grow. It takes time though to change things around you. But every complete change starts from a brave first step forward.
