Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.
In The Name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Most Merciful,
A story about something immensely close to my heart.
So a few weeks ago are unlikely tough for me. Actually wearing the niqab in Bintulu was quite new to ezatsabrin. I wore this like almost 3 years now Alhamdulillah, (please don't expect it's something great because time measures never guarantee you an excellent quality, I am always in progress.). But after I came here in Bintulu I took it off, temporarily, for some reasons. Just to see how should I fit in the society. It's not a sin though because I am with the Syafi'ee scholars that has 2 opinions about the face whether it should be covered or not.
So for the first semester I was completely bare-faced! And it feels weiiiiirrrddd Ya Allah T_T and insecure too, because you've been covering it for a very long time and suddenly you have to take it off? Honestly guys. I feel naked.
Throughout the whole semester I tried to figure out about how the management party fixed the rules here. I asked my niqabi seniors about it. Until that one fine day I really saw them in front of my eyes in niqab, but they took them off right after they crossed the guards at the main entrance. And I was like, "Ohhh so that's how they do it. Dah nampak dah strategi tu, Boleh try lepasni In Shaa Allah." LOL.
Seeing them being really persistent made me intended to wear it here, fully committed. So for the second semester I brought my niqabs, (I wore it from home too.). The first day I reached here from Semenanjung until I safely arrived in UPMKB, well it was not so bad LOL Alhamdulillah. Passed through the guards, registered at KSR. It wasn't so bad and strict as I expected :)
UNTIL
The past few weeks my friends and I went out for a lil outing. Herh beli barang kat Farley je pun. **lentik tangan. Wore the niqab from UPMKB until we reached Farley. And lately I went to PCM and TS. (Eh tersebut semua tempat hot kat Bintulu maap maap). Allahu. For each step I walk, EACH STEP, people around me gave me that look. You know, THAT look. And start whispering among themselves. The awkward part was they won't take their eyes off me as long as I am still near them. Seriously. Can you imagine that? Being in my shoe. In that situation. Hm. I don't really mind if kids really freaked out when they saw me because its normal though. But the adults.. Hm. Apa lah depa fikir tu.
"Maybe my clothes looks too hot for this weather?"
"Too weird?"
"You've never seen people like me? Too rare?"
"Or deep inside you're actually have that respect towards me?" (Level Husnudzon)
Seriously guys. I felt really alien to them. And sad. It was like, "Ya Allah, ujian sangat ni. Sabar. Sabar. Sabar. Ujian Rasulullah dulu lagi dahsyat. Ni baru sikit. Sikit sangat. Sabar." **heart pumping.
I wish my mom was there. I wish my friends were there. Allah. I only have You right now. Help me Ya Rabb. Give me strength.
"Kalian! Doakan akuuuu!"
So it is true about what Rasulullah SAW said in his hadith. Islam came in such a rare condition. And at the end it will be rare too. Akhir zaman.
I've been keeping this in mind. It helped me a lot :') Alhamdulillah.
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So to make this short.
I've never never felt that feeling for a long time, since the first time I wore the niqab.
It's just not as frightening as wearing it here..
But I try to comfort myself, always.
My friend gave me this. Thanks for reminding :')
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So there's been a lot of monolog dalaman lately LOL. #Self Comfort
"Come on ezat. You've been through this. You know what Allah promised. (2: 155), remember? You can do this ezat. Jannah is His. Not them. And fear only for Him. Not them. Rasulullah got those reactions much worst. Stay strong, Lillahita'ala."
**inhale
**exhale
Pray for us, kalian. For Islam. May Allah bless each second of our Jihaad. Ameen.
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